I dont even know where to start , I am so totally outta wack the last couple of days.I cant seem to get motivated to do anything at all ,my friend came over a few days ago and we had a few wines.The next day I actually felt worse, no i wasnt hung over,just pissed of with myself and in a very dark mood.Im trying to practise Mindfulness ,but my mind is just racing with thought, cant meditate no focuss whatsoever .Years ago a drink or eight would take the edge of, but now it just pushes me to the edge......Sometimes its hard to be me. Hopefully tonite I might be able to sleep,have had imsomnia for the last three nights, maybe a good nite sleep will get me outta my funk .

Well Ive been back from Cairns for three days,Im feeling totally out of wack .Im suffering from post holiday blues,missing the kids like a bitch and feeling very restless .Yesterday was my Dads 85th birthday so late in the afternoon husband P and I drove up to celebrate with him, we stopped on the way to get him a nice bottle of Spanish wine and of cause one for myself !! It was kool to see him ,and tell him all about our holiday and of cause show him all the great pics of kids Cairns etc.This morning I woke up feeling disorientated ,the place is so quite and my head was so busy with thoughts, so I went for a walk around the block to clear my old noggin.Its seemed to work wonders ,made myself a healthy shake and then did some meditation . I wish I had got into meditation years ago instead of trying others means of quietning the mind which actually didnt work ,just numbed out your thinking ,but anyhow I guess its better late than never ...... this pic was my meditation a few years back ....

HOME SWEET HOME ? not today ....

Well here I am back home in Perth after an awesome ten days in Cairns.The day started off well,played with the grandies Oand M while daughter in law went out for a bit of shopping .Then daughter in law H did a great photo shoot for me .We had a laugh before we even started ,I had decided to wear a hot pink singlet top to show off my amazing suntan ,when I accidentally spilled my Merlot on my top .Been somewhat vain and determined to show off my tan, I turned my top other way around ,wine stain on the back .Grandson O who is just three then got in on the act ,and im not been biased but he is a born natural !! grandaughter M Then also had her turn and again not been biased she is definitley a future TOP MODEL!! We had also done a shoot of yummy mummy and were very pleased with the results,Nanna (me) Had to have a little bit of editing done ,but all in all not to bad for an old girl. I will be putting some out there in the hope that I might be discovered !!!
The rest of the day was rather sad, said our goodbyes to H,O,and M and went to meet up with Son R who was taking us to the airport .The lump in my throat felt like a bowling ball,but a couple of beers should take care of that .....WRONG , that lump traveled with me for five hours all the way to Perth. Does it ever get easy saying goodbye to the ones we love ? I hate the word goodbye there is nothing good about it ,so I,ll just say Hasta Luego !!!!!

Bittersweet Holiday

Sometimes all we need is a change of scenery to change our erratic moods and perspective on life .I have just spent an amazing eight days in Cairns (Australia) ,with my eldest son ,his lovely wife and my two beautiful grandchildren ....grandson O who turned 3 years old the day after my arrival and stunning grand daughter M Who will turn 2 in a few weeks time.Unfortunately i will not be here to celebrate M Birthday as I fly back to Perth (Australia) the day after tomorrow. I am not looking forward to kissing them goodbye and even as I write this the lump in my throat is already in progress, I know it will take me a few days to come to some sort of acceptance, no doubt I will be a total narky BITCH to my poor and so understanding husband and i will make his trip unbearable !!!! I more than likely have more than one Merlot, it is a five hour flight! By the time we finally land i will no longer be the patient and full of love Nanna i have felt like for over a week, I will have become a twisted she devil , that should probably not be allowed out or be around any human being. So in anticipation I will apologize to my dear husband, neighbours, and Wilma my cat, that I have missed.The flip side, and there is always a flip side is that I have had a magical time, and as Arnold Schwarzenegger says I''LL BE BACK !!!!!!

Anger....

At the present moment ,I need to stay in anger !! It is a life tool after all ! ?

Finger prints ...

Your finger prints are embedded in my shattered heart .... How am I to forget you